My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
