You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize