moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
