no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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