glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
