no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
