Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
