I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
