im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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