She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
