Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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