So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize