I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
