I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
