I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
