Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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