Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
