Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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