I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
