So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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