do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
