Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
