Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
