carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
