Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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