How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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