My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
