your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
