My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
