Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
