i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
