Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
