Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Randomize
