so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
