You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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