I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
