We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
