i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
