I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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