I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
