In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
