The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
