Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
