come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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