I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
