I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So much rum. So many feels.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
