hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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