just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
