I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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