Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
