Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
