I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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