so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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