saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
