I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
