Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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