it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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