Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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