I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
