i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
