i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
