I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Acid is not a monday night drug
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
