so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
