There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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