I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
