Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
