At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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