I'm gonna have a badass scar
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
